A guest Blog Post by Kelly Enders-Tharp
Every year, around 4,000 babies are born through surrogacy in the United States. The number of people choosing this unique path to parenthood has grown significantly over the past decade, more than doubling between 2011 and 2020.
Understanding the emotional complexity of the surrogacy process can make it more manageable, compassionate, and meaningful. It helps each person stay connected to the deeper purpose behind this remarkable act of family building.
Emotional Challenges Unique to Surrogacy
Surrogacy is an incredibly rewarding experience, but it comes with emotional nuances that differ from a traditional pregnancy. Because it involves several people, including surrogates, intended parents, medical professionals, and legal teams, it may become overwhelming for both intended parents and surrogates.
For surrogates, one of the most meaningful aspects of the journey is its purpose: helping another family grow. Many describe feeling a profound sense of pride, responsibility, and fulfillment as they reach each milestone that leads to a healthy baby.
Intended parents may experience a different set of emotions. It is natural for some to feel uncertain about how to participate in each stage. Staying informed through regular updates, attending appointments, and maintaining open communication with their surrogate can help them feel more connected throughout the pregnancy.
Some intended parents may also experience moments of self-doubt or hesitation as they prepare for parenthood. These feelings are entirely normal.
External reactions can sometimes add to the emotional strain. Both surrogates and intended parents may face curiosity or misconceptions from people who do not fully understand the surrogacy process.
At Growing Generations, we understand how important emotional connection is throughout this journey. Our approach begins with thoughtful matching between surrogates and intended parents to ensure shared values, expectations, and communication styles. This alignment forms the foundation for a smooth and supportive experience, allowing everyone to feel confident and cared for from the very beginning.
Emotional Milestones
The surrogacy journey evolves in meaningful ways each week. Below are some of the key emotional milestones that both intended parents and surrogates may experience along the way:
Weeks 1–8: Early Hope and Uncertainty
The surrogacy journey often begins with cautious optimism. After the embryo transfer, both surrogate and intended parents experience a mix of hope and excitement while waiting for early pregnancy milestones such as the first heartbeat or a viable scan.
Weeks 9–20: Strengthening Bonds
By this stage, the pregnancy often begins to feel more real. Surrogates may feel empowered as they move into the second trimester, and the baby’s movements can deepen their emotional and physical connection. Intended parents can become more engaged by attending appointments and continuing to build their relationship with the surrogate.
Weeks 21–30: Anticipation Builds
With a visible bump and increased baby activity, this stage often brings a renewed sense of excitement. Surrogates may reflect on the special role they are playing in helping create a family, while continuing to focus on the health and well-being of the pregnancy.
For intended parents, this period often brings joyful anticipation. Many begin preparing the nursery, planning parental leave, or attending birthing classes. It is also natural for some to still feel moments of uncertainty or disbelief that their long-awaited dream is becoming real.
Weeks 31–Delivery: Transition and Fulfillment
As the final weeks approach, emotions can become more intense for everyone involved. Surrogates often describe feeling proud and purposeful as they prepare to help a family come together.
Birth planning becomes an important focus. Discussions about who will be in the room, what the handoff plan will look like, and whether there will be skin-to-skin contact, help create understanding and comfort. When approached with sensitivity, openness, and empathy, these conversations strengthen trust between surrogates and intended parents.
At Growing Generations, our team helps intended parents and surrogates navigate these important moments with care. From birth planning and hospital coordination to post-delivery emotional support, our specialists ensure everyone feels guided and supported through each stage of the process.
Emotional Wellness and Support Systems
Taking care of mental and emotional well-being is essential for both surrogates and intended parents throughout the surrogacy journey. A healthy emotional foundation helps create a nurturing environment where everyone feels supported and cared for.
Here are a few ways to build strong emotional support:
Therapy
Whether referred by an agency or arranged independently, therapy can ease emotional tension and support clearer communication. The American Society for Reproductive Medicine recommends counseling for all parties involved in surrogacy.
Regular Check-ins
Weekly or biweekly updates help maintain emotional alignment between surrogates and intended parents while preventing misunderstandings.
Support Groups
Connecting with others who have experienced surrogacy can be incredibly helpful. Speaking to people who have gone through similar journeys helps normalize emotional highs and lows. Peer spaces like RESOLVE or moderated online forums offer meaningful opportunities to share and connect.
Milestone Celebrations
Acknowledging small moments, such as entering a new trimester or sharing an ultrasound, creates shared joy and emotional connection between the surrogate and intended parents.
Surrogacy is a journey built on trust, generosity, and shared purpose. As the weeks go by, the emotional experience often deepens for surrogates, intended parents, and everyone supporting them.
At Growing Generations, we believe that understanding these emotional milestones helps everyone stay grounded, communicate openly, and maintain a strong sense of connection throughout the process. With our comprehensive family-building services, we are committed to guiding every person through this extraordinary experience with compassion, expertise, and care.
About the Author: Kelly Enders-Tharp has been an integral part of Growing Generations since 2012, bringing the insight of her three surrogacy journeys with Growing Generations to nearly every area of the organization. Over the years, she has helped lead the Surrogate Admissions and Services, driven Marketing and Social Media initiatives, and was instrumental in launching our Referral Program. Today, she is an integral member of the Education & Experience Department, shaping the programs and resources that strengthen both surrogate and intended parent support.
You can find her at
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kelly-enders-tharp-m-ed-pmh-c-98b36545/
Nurtured Well is a boutique women’s mental health practice serving women in Towson, Maryland and on-line throughout the state.