Are you dating over 40? You are not alone, many people in this age group are newly divorced and looking to meet someone new. However, it can be super intimidating to get back into the dating world. A lot has changed since you last dated. In general, simply socializing may feel overwhelming. Read below for some simple tips to ease you back into dating.
1. Realistically Appraise Your Availability
Jumping on a dating app and getting lots of attention may feel great but can quickly become overwhelming. How much time, energy, and money do you have to contribute to dating? Dating over 40 is very different than in your twenties. This is especially true if you have children. Even with shared custody, you may find you have a lot less time to dedicate to romance. This does not mean you can’t form a meaningful relationship. However, you may want to be more discerning about who you communicate with and ultimately meet up with.
2. Be Discerning
Following up from number 1 above, maximize your dating resources by knowing your “nos” and “yeses”. For example, what radius are you willing to travel to meet someone? Are you willing to date someone with children? It is ok to be super discerning. What are your top 3 things you want in a dating partner? Your time and energy are valuable. Spend them wisely. There are plenty of people out there to date so if you have limited resources, save them for someone who checks the “yeses” and move past those who have a “no” quality.
3. Set Time Boundaries Around Apps
Newfound attention on dating apps can be a huge dopamine hit! It’s tempting to keep jumping on them and spend a lot of time looking at potential matches. However, they are also a huge time suck. Literally set a timer and don’t allow yourself to check them more than that. The same goes for messaging on the apps. Make a decision about how much time you are willing to message someone before meeting in person. Stick to it unless it feels better to stay on line.
4. Control Your Narrative
You may be giddy with excitement. Let’s face it, marriages don’t end because you are head-over-heels in love. Therefore, it makes sense that you want to share your new dating adventures with all of your friends. Understandably, your friends are excited for you (and may be living vicariously through you), but they may also fuel more drama than you need around dating. It is fine to share some information but do so mindfully.
5. Dating Over 40 Should Be Fun
So have fun! Take it lightly. Many people set a goal for dating of meeting a long term partner. The problem with that is that it is unlikely you’ll meet your partner in the first week of dating. More likely, you will have to go out with many people on many dates. So, instead, shift your goal to having new experiences and meeting new people. Ideally, one of these encounters will lead to a partnership.
Finding yourself back in the dating world in your forties can be overwhelming. But being realistic about your availability, knowing what you want, being disciplined about how much time you spend on apps, and keeping things light, you can enjoy this time.
About the Author: Sharon P. Fisher, PMHNP-BC, is the founder of Nurtured Well, a boutique women’s mental health practice in Towson, MD.