One of the most proud and saddest days of a mother’s life is when her child moves out. On the one hand, you can rest assured you did your job—you raised a competent adult! On the other hand, however, you know your life is irrevocably changed. Your child is, well, no longer a child. You are still their mother but the relationship has changed. More importantly, your role has changed. What do you do now that you don’t have to feed, chauffeur, and generally care for your child. This is a common issue. We have some tips below to navigate being an empty nester.
Start By Doing Nothing
You read that correctly. It’s easy to fill all your time once you become an empty nester. The endless to-dos that you never got to with all the kid’s stuff may be tempting now. You may also be tempted to start saying yes to all the invites and community volunteer opportunities you had to say no to in the past. However, mindlessly filling your time will not fulfill you. Take a pause and then move to number 2.
Make a List
Make yourself a nice cup of tea, find a comfortable seat, and set your timer for 5 minutes. Then write down all the things you are interested in. This includes hobbies you want to explore, places you want to go, people you want to spend more time with, and things you want to learn about. Don’t be practical. You’ll evaluate what is actually workable later. The point is to really get all your ideas out on the table.
Gain Clarity
Next, take your list and divide it into categories. Start by grouping things that can be started in the next 3 months, then things in the next year, and then “someday” things. If something seems too daunting, but you still want to start it in the next 3 months or year, keep it on the list. We’ll get to that later.
Make a Specific Plan
Start taking action on your most doable list items. If there is a friend you want to see, email her. Interested in learning more about frogs? Log on to your library’s website and order some books about them. Then, actually block off chunks in your calendar to read the books.
Some items may feel too daunting. For those items, take another piece of paper and write the name of the interest on top. Then write the what, who, and where is needed to pursue it. For example, say you are interested in learning how to play tennis but don’t know where to start or feel it’s too expensive. You would list: racket, court, instructor, time. You could then google low cost tennis lessons, write down everyone you know who plays, parks where you’ve seen courts. Just brainstorm. Perhaps an acquaintance who plays would be happy to give you a lesson. Does your local community college offer a course?
Be Gentle on Yourself
It may take a while to find the right balance of things to do once you become an empty nester. However, the good news is you have plenty of time to figure out what does work for you. Treat this like a fun experiment. Don’t take it, or yourself, too seriously. If something is not working, change it up. You can go back to steps 2, 3, and 4 as needed.
Becoming an empty nester can be really hard. However, by taking some time to figure out what interests you and making a concrete plan, it can be an enriching time.
Struggling to adapt to any life change? We can help, Our therapists offer both traditional and nature therapy to help you thrive through any period of your life.
Nurtured Well provides medication and therapy to women 18 and older for depression, anxiety, bipolar, ADHD, and just general life stress.
About the author: Sharon P. Fisher, PMHNP-BC is the founder of Nurtured Well, a boutique women’s mental health practice in Towson, MD. She is a mom, but not an empty nester, yet.