Life has many stages. It’s normal for relationships to shift with different times in our life. When we are young, our family holds a huge space in our lives. However, as we age we have more agency over our relationships. We get to choose who we give our time and energy to. Furthermore, we can feel more empowered to leave relationships that are no longer working for us. Sometimes this leads to strained or even estranged relationships. There are certainly situations in which severing all contact makes sense (such as with abusers). However, many times, it can cause more pain than attempting to heal the issue.
The desire to heal and reconnect is a powerful force. Rebuilding bridges with estranged relatives is far from easy. It requires patience, introspection, empathy, and a commitment to understanding each other. In this guide, we’ll explore practical steps to navigate the delicate process of healing and restoring relationships with family members.
Self-Reflection
Before reaching out to estranged relatives, take some time for self-reflection. What was your emotional state at the time it happened? Consider the factors that led to the estrangement and your role in the situation. How were you communicating with the relative? It’s important to understand what you were hoping to convey and get out of the exchange. Understanding your own emotions and motivations is a crucial first step towards rebuilding a relationship.
Open Communication is Key For Relationships
Initiate contact through open and honest communication. Consider how your relative likes to communicate. If it is an older person, they may respond better to a phone call than a text. Express your desire to mend the relationship without placing blame. You may want to suggest meeting in person. Choose a neutral and private setting to have an open conversation, whether it be in person, over the phone, or in writing.
Use Active Listening, Apologize, and Forgive
Approach the conversation with an earnest desire to hear your relative’s point of view. This is radically different then trying to convince them of yours. If there are past grievances or misunderstandings, be willing to apologize for your part and genuinely forgive your relative for theirs. Acknowledge mistakes and express a sincere commitment to moving forward with a positive outlook.
Establish Boundaries
Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, and establishing clear boundaries is essential. Discuss and agree upon boundaries that both parties are comfortable with, ensuring that each person’s needs and limits are respected.
Health boundaries include respecting the way your relative lives their life. Passing judgment on them, even if they never hear it, violates an emotional boundary. It also creates negativity, no matter how subtle, that will seep into the relationship.
Seek Professional Help
If the estrangement involves deep-rooted issues or unresolved conflicts, consider seeking the assistance of a family therapist or counselor. Professional guidance can provide a structured and supportive environment for addressing complex issues and finding constructive solutions.
Take Small Steps
Rebuilding a relationship is a gradual process. Please do not leave the conversation and book a huge beach house for everyone! Take small steps to rebuild trust and connection. Start with casual conversations, share updates about your life, and gradually reintegrate into each other’s lives at a comfortable pace.
Focus on the Present and Future
While acknowledging the past is important, focus on the present and the future. Discuss shared goals and aspirations, and actively work towards building a positive and supportive relationship moving forward. In these polarized times, it is easy to forget all the common ground we share.
Be Patient
Healing relationships takes time, and patience is key. Recognize that both parties may need time to adjust and rebuild trust. Avoid rushing the process and allow the relationship to develop naturally.
Celebrate Progress
I mean privately with yourself. It’s easy to become discouraged if the relationship does not heal immediately or turn into what you want it to be. Acknowledge and celebrate the progress made in rebuilding It’s all about the small victories such as successful conversations or shared moments. Recognizing and appreciating these positive steps is crucial for sustained growth.
Maintain Consistency
Consistency is vital in maintaining a rekindled relationship. Continue to invest time and effort into nurturing the connection. Regular communication, thoughtful gestures, and ongoing support will help solidify the renewed bond.
Healing relationships with estranged relatives is a challenging but rewarding journey. Through self-reflection, open communication, apologies, forgiveness, setting boundaries, seeking professional help when needed, taking small steps, focusing on the present and future, practicing patience, celebrating progress, and maintaining consistency, individuals can work towards rebuilding bridges and fostering stronger, more resilient connections with their estranged relatives.
Struggling with relationships? Our skilled therapists can help you. Reach out now.
About the author: Sharon Fisher, PMHNP-BC, PMH-C is the founder of Nurtured Well LLC, a women’s boutique mental health clinic serving all of Maryland.