Are you struggling to conceive? It can be trying at any time. However, the holidays can make it a thousand times worse. We are inundated with images of families during the holiday season. There are big family get-togethers, photo holiday cards, and cute IG posts. All of these can be landmines of triggers. Whether it is cute photos of kids on Santa’s lap or intrusive questions from relatives, the holidays can be tough for those trying to conceive. Below are some ways to cope during this time.
Real Boundaries
I wrote about this topic before in my Psychology Today blog. This post talks about self care. No, we don’t mean baths and massages. We talk about setting boundaries with your time. This may mean bowing out of some get-togethers. Additionally, it means engaging with things that energize you and limiting things that are draining.
Sometimes, this means learning the difference between what you can do and what you are willing to do. So often, women overextend themselves. Sometimes women say yes to everything to please others. Other times, it’s a fear of missing out. Regardless, it is important to protect your energy. Carefully consider what you really want to do. Then, be mindful of how saying no makes you feel. For many women, it is uncomfortable. This makes them say yes instead of dealing with the discomfort. You can learn ways to say no with confidence. But more on that in future posts.
Intrusive Questions About Infertility
Nosy relatives asking personal questions about when you will have children is perhaps one of the most difficult things women with infertility face during the holidays. I cover that more in depth here. The bottom line is to have a plan upfront to deflect questions in a firm but kind way. It’s ok to say you are not interested in talking about it. A simple: “Thank you for your interest but I’m not interested in talking about that now. How are you? “ Switching the conversation to them usually works.
Create New Traditions
The holidays can be really hard for couples experiencing infertility. However, like infertility itself, it can really bond you. This is the perfect time for you and your partner to create some new traditions just for the two of you. Whether you continue them after having children or not is irrelevant. It’s good to cherish the moments now.
In the Baltimore area, that might look like going to the Washington Monument (yes, we have the original one!) lighting, or the German Christmas Market. However, wherever you live it is easy to create a new tradition. Maybe it is a hike on Christmas morning or watching a special movie on Christmas Eve. Check with your partner about what they would like to do and get excited about it! If it does not work out, you always have next year to create a new tradition–one that may even involve a baby!
If you are struggling– call or email us! We can help. We are a boutique Women’s Mental Health Practice serving all of Maryland in person or on-line.
About the author: Sharon P. Fisher, MS, PMHNP-BC, PMH-C survived three years of holidays while TTC and now loves helping other women through it.