This time of year can be super fun for many people. However, a lot of people struggle with loneliness, as well. In fact, Americans are lonelier than ever. The holidays can exacerbate this lack of belonging. We receive cards showcasing other people’s happy families, co-workers talk excitedly about holiday plans, and then, there is the Hallmark channel. Need I say more?
Are You Really Alone?
Loneliness and lack of friends/family are actually different concepts. One can be surrounded by people and feel lonely. Conversely, you can have only one or two friends and feel supported and loved. You probably already knew this. However, I bring it up because people often forget the difference. So, stop for a few minutes and think about your actual experience.
Simply because your schedule is not jam packed doesn’t actually mean you are lonely. How do you actually feel, how much socializing do you need and want? Perhaps the holidays don’t look as you imagined. Maybe Christmas dinner is just your nuclear family instead of a huge group of extended relatives. However, how would having all those people at your holiday dinner make a difference in your life? Do you connect with them in other ways at other times?
Who Can You Connect With?
A few months ago, a friend reached out to me. She requested that if my family did any fall “apple picking” or similar activities, that we invite her. I thought this was great! She was advocating for herself. This was something she was interested in but does not have her own kids and did not want to go alone. Unfortunately, we never made it to any orchards or hay rides but the lesson stayed with me. Reach out to friends and ask about their plans. If they are hosting events, see if you can come. They may not realize you don’t have plans.
Get Outside!
It’s no secret that nature is curative. There are many reasons for this. One is the idea of species loneliness. We know that people estranged from their loved ones experience a higher rate of mental health and addiction issues. If we expand the idea of family to include the more than human world, then we have been estranged from our plant and animal friends for a long time. Nature Informed Therapy (NIT) posits that getting reacquainted with nature is like reconnecting with a lost family member.
The best part of this is that you can literally start in your backyard or a neighborhood park. Start with identifying the trees. Once you learn their species name, learn more about them. How big do they get? How long can they live? This is no different than meeting a new friend. For example, you would first learn the friend’s name and then learn more about them as time progresses. Treat the tree this way. Of course, there is no need to actually talk to the tree, unless you want to!
Are you feeling disconnected, lonely? Therapy can help you with relationships. Call us now to get started. We even do Nature Informed Therapy!
About the author: Sharon P. Fisher, MS, PMHNP-BC is the founder of Nurtured Well, LLC , a boutique women’s mental health practice serving Maryland in person and online.