A guest blog post by Beth Rush, the mindfulness editor at Body+Mind.
Becoming a mom is a monumental shift, and while the journey is rewarding, it’s also easy to feel like you’ve lost a bit of yourself along the way. Finding yourself after motherhood doesn’t mean turning back the clock but rather redefining who you are in this new chapter.
Why Do Some Mothers Lose Their Identity After Having a Baby?
Becoming a mom is a life-changing experience, filled with love and big adjustments. While it’s deeply rewarding, many mothers struggle to find themselves after having a baby. You’re no longer just you and that shift can feel overwhelming. Here’s why you may feel like you’ve lost a sense of who you are:
- Your life revolves around your baby: Newborns require constant attention and your routine shifts dramatically to meet their needs. You no longer prioritize personal time, making it feel like you’ve left parts of yourself behind.
- Hormonal and emotional changes: Postpartum hormones, combined with the changes in your body, can feel overwhelming and lead to depression. These feelings usually last for around two weeks, but some women may experience them even longer.
- Social isolation: With baby care dominating your schedule, staying connected to friends and family or engaging in social activities you once enjoyed can be challenging, leading to loneliness.
- Societal expectations and guilt: Society often idealizes “sacrificial” motherhood, where a mother gives everything to her child and little to herself. This pressure can create guilt for wanting personal time.
How to Find Yourself After Having a Baby
Regardless of why you feel like you’ve lost touch with your identity, there are ways to find it again. Here are some simple steps to reconnect with yourself and feel more balanced in this new chapter.
Acknowledge the Shift
Embrace the changes that come with motherhood, but don’t be afraid to recognize that you’re still evolving. Just because you’re now “mom” doesn’t mean you’re no longer you. Reflect on how you’ve changed and give yourself permission to let go of what no longer serves you while holding onto what does. It’s OK to be a little different — it’s all part of the process of finding yourself.
Reconnect With Old Passions
What did you love doing before your baby arrived? Dust off those old hobbies or passions and find ways to bring them back to life. You might be surprised how reconnecting with these activities grounds you and brings back pieces of yourself you may have missed. Making time for your interests is a great way to calm the mind and strengthen relationships while doing something you love.
Set Aside “You” Time
Taking time for yourself might seem challenging with a little one in the house, but even just 15 minutes a day dedicated to something you love can make a difference. Whether reading, journaling, practicing yoga or just sitting in silence, this personal time can help you reconnect with what makes you feel like you. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from family or friends to make sure you get this essential time.
Get Help if You Need To
Don’t hesitate to reach out for help if you find it hard to manage everything on your own. Adjusting to motherhood can be overwhelming, and getting support can make a huge difference in your mental and emotional well-being. If you’re struggling with depression, anxiety or another mental health disorder, tools like therapy or medication can be helpful in your journey toward health. There’s no shame in seeking professional support when you need it.
If you need immediate help, call the national postpartum help hotline. They can provide immediate care and refer you to longer term therapy and help if needed.
Redefine Self-Care
Self-care doesn’t have to mean expensive spa days or luxurious vacations — though those are great, too. Self-care is anything that helps you recharge. This could be a daily walk, setting boundaries, doing your nails or letting yourself rest when you need to. Think of self-care as a way to help you be the best version of yourself for you and your baby.
Find a Supportive Community
Connecting with other moms also working on finding themselves can be deeply reassuring. Whether through social media or local parenting groups, sharing experiences and tips can give you a boost and remind you that you’re not alone in this journey. Surround yourself with people who empower you as a mama and as an individual.
Connecting with others who understand your journey can be incredibly helpful. For example, the nonprofit Untold Stories Maryland provides a supportive community for women who have experienced pregnancy or infant loss. The Womb Room in Baltimore, MD hosts classes and breastfeeding circles for all parents. These groups offer a space where women can share their experiences and support one another. Finding support like this can help you feel understood and empowered as you navigate the challenges.
Pursue Small, Achievable Goals
Setting small, realistic goals can help you feel more accomplished and in control. Think about what you want to achieve that feels manageable, like learning a new skill, finishing a book or trying a new hobby. These personal goals will give you something to work toward that’s all your own.
Embrace Your New Identity
Finding yourself after motherhood doesn’t mean going back to who you were before. It’s about blending the old with the new to create something stronger and more vibrant. Celebrate the resilience and growth motherhood has given you. Embracing this new, evolving version of yourself is a powerful step in reconnecting with who you are.
Reflect and Adjust Accordingly
The journey of self-discovery is ongoing. Take time now and then to reflect on where you are and adjust as needed. Give yourself the freedom to change and grow as you go. Being mindful of your personal journey helps you find new ways to feel whole and fulfilled.
Embrace the New You
In time, you’ll find that discovering who you are after having a baby isn’t about leaving parts of yourself behind. Embracing a blend of who you were and who you are now can bring renewed confidence, helping you feel more whole and fulfilled in both roles.
Beth Rush is the mindfulness editor at Body+Mind. She writes about mental health during pregnancy and beyond. She also shares tips for coping with c-PTSD, PCOS, and climate anxiety. Subscribe to the Body+Mind Newsletter for more posts by Beth.
Do you need professional help during or after your pregnancy? This is what we do at Nurtured Well! As a boutique women’s mental health practice, in Towson , MD, we serve women of all stages and ages. Reach out to learn more about how we can help you.