A few years into owning a women’s mental health practice, I noticed a trend. Many women would come to their first session saying, “We’re getting a divorce and I’m terrified he’s going to take the kids away from me”. Since I’m not a lawyer and this kept happening, it led me to reach out to a lawyer to help my clients, and the general public, better understand how divorce in Maryland works. Thus, the “Divorce 101” webinar launched. You can watch the original video here. Ironically, all of the attendees were fellow mental health providers who also wanted to learn on behalf of their clients. This speaks to how common this occurs. I’m going to cover how I initially approach clients in this predicament. Additionally, I’ll give a TLDR synopsis of Cory SIlkman, Esq’s “Divorce 101” talk (but watch it because it’s really good!).
Expect a Rollercoaster of Emotions
Getting divorced is one of the biggest stressors a person can encounter. Of course your emotions are all over the map. You may be experiencing grief, fear, anger, relief, hope, and sadness. Sometimes, all of these emotions might come one right after another. It’s ok to feel ungrounded during this time. In therapy, we help you find stability. However, it is a turbulent time. Keep perspective that you won’t always feel like this.
SLOW Down
It may feel urgent to act immediately, but the reality is, you have time. Slowing down will help you gain insight, find resources, and make better decisions. In fact, I’ve had clients ultimately not get divorced. By slowing down, we were able to identify communication patterns and untreated depression or anxiety that were contributing to the relationship issues.
For couples that do divorce, slowing down gives the space both mentally and timewise to make the best choices. For example, some couples choose to live together until they accumulate enough savings so both can live well separately. Regardless of how fast you want to go, divorce is a legal process that moves at the speed of the court. More importantly, the choices you agree to in your settlement will have lifelong financial consequences. Therefore, it behooves you to slow down. Presumably, you did not get married in a whirlwind, don’t separate in one either.
Identify Resources
Resources include emotional, physical, educational, and financial. Ending a marriage is overwhelming at every level. There is the emotional pain but there are also a lot of financial issues and logistics to figure out. What will you need post divorce to live well? How does this affect retirement? This website offers a list of things to consider.
Ideally, lean on only one or two friends or relatives. We cover more on this below but the general gist is you don’t want everyone in your business. Here is why: they will project all of their relationship issues on you. More importantly, you can cause divisiveness this way. The last thing you or your partner need is more division during a divorce. Lastly, it will put mutual friends in an uncomfortable spot.
It is imperative that you contact professional resources like a mortgage broker if you own property together, a mediator or lawyer, a financial planner, and (if you have children) a parenting coach. A lot of women waste time catastrophizing when these professionals can give you clarity.
Control Your Divorce Narrative
As I said above, try not to announce this to the whole world right away. Seek one or two supporters who are, ideally, much closer to you then your partner. This way they won’t feel put in the middle and can give you their full support. You can then lead them on what you need.
You may not want to talk about the divorce every time you are together. As mentioned above, you’re on an emotional rollercoaster. There may be moments when you need a quick call to vent and cry and then times where you just want to not talk about it. Most likely, your friend is not a mind reader. Let them know what you need.
When it does become public, be clear and concise with people. Many people will want to know what happened but you don’t owe anyone an explanation. In fact, constantly repeating your story may prevent you from moving on. People may also project all of their relationship trauma on you. If that’s the case, shutting down the conversation is essential for your well being.
TLDR Divorce 101
I am not a lawyer and strongly urge you to watch this video of an actual lawyer discussing Maryland divorce procedures. However, I recognize you may not be able to for a variety of reasons. So here are the quick bits:
- Judges favor making everything equitable so both parties live as well as they can post divorce. This means it is unlikely one party will be financially devastated.
- Judges favor 50-50 custody. You have to do a lot wrong as a parent to not get this. Therefore, don’t fear your spouse stealing your kids.
- Moving out does not mean you abandoned the marriage or the home.
- All assets (except inheritances) acquired during the marriage are considered marital property and divided equitably.
- Be polite and civil in all communications with your spouse.
- Be reasonable
No one ever expects their marriage to end in divorce. However, the sad truth is that many do. Of course you will have an array of emotions. The important thing is to slow down, don’t make any rash decisions. In that time acquire the support , resources, and information you need.
Are you going through a divorce? Investing in your mental health is key! We are here to support you.
About the author: Sharon P. FIsher is the founder of Nurtured Well LLC, a boutique women’s mental health practice serving all of Maryland.
This article beautifully captures something I see often in my own practice: the deep emotional overwhelm that comes with divorce, especially when kids are involved. Your advice to slow down is gold—it’s often the difference between reacting from fear and making choices grounded in long-term wellbeing. I’d also add that involving a neutral mediator early can reduce the emotional toll and legal costs significantly. Thank you for normalizing this experience and offering such practical, compassionate guidance. It’s a reminder that while divorce is painful, it can also be a turning point toward clarity and empowerment.
Regards:- Dina Haddad